Eleven Steps To Loving Who You Are





What is the most important decision you will ever make? The one thing in your life that affects every other thing you do, how you parent, your job, your relationships, your health and your future? The answer is your ability to love yourself unconditionally. Once you have mastered this, it gives you the confidence and tools to move through life happy and healthy.  Why is this so difficult? Why are we able to be there for everyone but ourselves?

We are surrounded by so many influences in today’s world. From the time we are born we are influenced by our family and whether you are born an only child or a middle child. You fight to find your place. You are influenced by your parents views, how they see you and if you are portrayed as a tomboy or a princess. We are moved through the maze of life judged by our school mates and slotted into categories of the cool kids or jocks. You fight to find your place. We fall in love, marriage, kids and are swallowed up by advice on how to raise our children in hopes of not being complete failures. Are we helicopter parents, relaxed and loving enough. You fight to find your place.  At some point along the way we hope to be able to stop this insane ride and find our own voice and announce to the world who we actually are and that we really love that creature. In the meantime you have spent a lifetime taking care of everyone else’s needs and neglecting your own. Even worse than that? Their shortcomings seem to be your fault. You fear the past, you fear the future and have forgotten how to enjoy the present. You are still fighting to find your place.

Along this journey society continues to teach our minds that our worth is found in the idols of our culture – power, money, how attractive we are, youth, romantic relationships and technology. What we neglect to learn is that if we continue to base our self-worth on the external world, we will never be capable of self-love. We are our toughest critic and will forever be saying “I am not enough, and I will never have enough.”

It’s time to shift how you view yourself.

It is time to start seeing the true amazing person you truly are. All you have been doing is burying your magnificence, it isn’t destroyed. You already know you are capable of being kind and loving because you show it to all those around you, now we are going to point it inward. Feeling worthy requires you to see yourself with fresh eyes of love and self-awareness. I am not asking you to be a different person. You are fantastic just as you are, you just have to be loving and accepting of that person. Your worth is in your true nature. Learning to love ourselves is not a one time event, it is something you have to do every single day. I know you have spent most of your life focusing all that energy elsewhere so now we need to retrain your brain to pour that love back where it belongs. Below are some steps to get you started.



  1. Begin your day with love not technology.   First thing we all do these days when we open our eyes is pick up our phones. Instead take a few minutes once you wake to remind yourself of your worthiness before getting out of bed. (Don’t tell me you are too busy I see you all on Social Media bright and early 🙂 )
  2. Get honest with your emotions.   Stop avoiding or numbing your feelings. Mindfully breathe your way through the emotions and acknowledge them, they aren’t going anywhere unless you deal with them.
  3. Be patient with yourself.  Relax and realize this isn’t going to happen overnight. Try and let go of the urgency and fear. Trust in yourself, make some forward movement each day and you will see results.
  4. Live in appreciation.  Love your imperfectly perfect self.  Life is not about fitting in with everyone else, but about loving our unique awesome person. Train your mind to be grateful. Appreciate your beauty, brilliance and talents.
  5. Always do what honours and respects you.  Do not allow toxic people in your life PERIOD. There is no wiggle room here, you cannot live a positive life surrounded by negativity. You can love everyone without allowing them to be directly connected to you.
  6. Accept uncertainty. Suffering comes from living in the pain of the past or the fear of what may happen in the future.  We cannot change the past and we cannot control the future. Place your attention on the present moment and be at peace.
  7. Find your voice. Start practicing at least once a day to find that hidden voice that never says no. The voice that doesn’t speak up for yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed or forgot how to ask for help. Baby steps at first, reassuring yourself that it does not make you selfish or weak,  but that it makes you a priority.
  8. Always be aware of your choices. Remember to constantly ask yourself, does this choice best suit my needs. You have been spending a lifetime taking care of the needs of everyone around you while neglecting your own. It will be easy to fall back into that role. Check in with yourself regularly.
  9. Take time to journal.   Take time to focus inward, even if you can only commit to five minutes each day in your journal. Make sure to note all of your accomplishments for the day, great or small. These can include such things as taking time for a bubble bath, or reading a book…baby steps.
  10. Imagine your new life filled with self-worth. Dedicate your life to loving you. This is now your main focus and watch the transformation. If you don’t make yourself a priority, nobody else will either.
  11. Don’t be afraid to ask for professional help.  Self-rejection and neglect is painful. Everyone deserves to be happy. If necessary, please seek help from a local support group, or counsellor. It is the best investment in your mental health you can make.

Love yourself first because that’s who you’ll be spending the rest of your life with.





2 thoughts on “Eleven Steps To Loving Who You Are

  1. Great post. Self-love is difficult, especially when we can instantly compare our life to someone else’s via social media (love the first tip!). These are all such helpful ideas to build a better relationship with oneself. Thank you for posting this. Wish you all the best – speak766


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