An Unfiltered Letter To My 20 Year Old Self




Those close to me would tell you my life has been known to be chaotic. Not just a little askew, but Jerry Springer over the top. In all honesty, I have become numb to the roller coaster ride and just throw my hands up while the wind whips through my hair.

What this has taught me is to truly appreciate the quiet times. Tonight is one of those nights. Hubby made his famous lasagna for dinner and I have now escaped to my favourite room in the house. I designed every feature in this room. I love the way it smells, looks and how I feel when I am in it.

The lighting is soft and the silky curtains hang in the window in an attempt at mimicking a soft wispy cloud. The wall colouring is a deep grey with a hue of blue when the early morning sun shines in. It makes me feel warm and safe. All of my favourite books grace the shelves, including the first one ever written by my best friend who is an incredible writer. #taniathomas  Green plants to remind me to breathe. Simple calming art, and a clock with just the slightest ticking that reminds me of my Grandmother.

This room is more than just a place for me to come and relax. It is a culmination of me. It is my home office where I get to help clients through some very difficult times in their lives. It took me far too long to believe in myself and to ever imagine I would get to this place.  A degree on the wall and pride in myself. This is what I wish I would have told my twenty year old self.

  • When there is a hill to climb, don’t think that waiting will make it smaller.
  • Don’t be in such a rush.
  • If you fail, keep trying.
  • Stop worrying about being a bad mother. You will make mistakes, just apologize.
  • Not all aging women have saggy breasts, so stop worrying. 🙂
  • Asking for help does not make you weak, it makes you resourceful.
  • Own at least 14 pairs of underwear and spend good money on them, they will fit better.
  • If there is a wall in your way, dig under it.
  • Stop complaining about PMS, Menopause is HELL.
  • Not all relationships last.  This is painful and difficult to understand. We attract relationships based on where we are at in our life. If one ends, let it teach you, do your best to heal and move on.
  • Take great care of your vagina, she is with you for life!!!!!
  • Never, ever, ever get a haircut when you are angry or upset. EVER.
  • You will feel hurt and pain that will destroy you. Sleep, hydrate and talk about your emotions. DO NOT RUN FROM YOUR SHIT BY TAKING CARE OF OTHERS.
  • Eat the chocolate. Life is too short to always be on a diet.
  • You always have a choice. Never convince yourself otherwise.
  • Stop weighing yourself.
  • Swim naked, it is amazing and nobody should miss out on it.
  • See the world.
  • Always tell the truth, even when it is painful. Over time, secrets seem to get heavier and heavier, and if you’re not careful, they can implode your entire life. Secrets don’t usually feel good, but we keep them because we want to look good. The remedy? Honesty and transparency, with yourself and other people.
  • If you want beautiful flowers, buy them. You don’t need to wait for someone to buy them for you.
  • Having good credit IS IMPORTANT.
  • Don’t convince someone to love you. “I would never do that,” you say. Then you find yourself compromising your integrity in the hopes that they will treat you the way you want to be treated. It’s a fruitless battle, trust me. If you are doing any measure of begging, pleading, or persuading in a relationship, it’s not going to end well. Save room for the people who want to love you, no strings attached.
  • Live your own life. You will get so much advice from family and friends, but this is your life to live so stay true to you.
  • Do your laundry and put it away. Read it again.
  • Know your worth. Don’t let anyone, partner, family, friend…anybody take that from you.
  • Always buy and wear a great bra, your forty year old breasts will thank you.
  • Learn the difference between respond and react. Life is a shit show and will throw you many curve balls. True freedom comes from how you respond to life and not what life does to you.
  • Moisturize A LOT and wear sunscreen. #erincrouch
  • Believe in yourself, even when you feel nobody else does.
  • Do  not cheap out on toilet paper, you are worth more and you will thank yourself.
  • Understanding your money is empowering. Knowledge is truly power in this instance. Savings rates, insurance, retirement contributions, credit card debt, emergency fund, taxes, flex spending accounts—we live in an age of Google, so there’s no excuse for ignorance when it comes to finance-related topics. Money doesn’t buy everything, but it does offer security and freedom to some degree.
  • Pay attention when your Mom is trying to teach you to cook. Life sucks when you move out on your own and you live on spaghetti for months.
  • Spend money on quality sheets, it will change your life.
  • A man’s razor will be your best friend.
  • Find a great hairstylist, she will literally become part of your family and make you feel like a new woman. #cabrini
  • You are ENOUGH. The more you believe that you are enough, the less you’ll wait for other people to determine your worth. And when you trust in your own merit, nobody else can take that away from you, no matter what happens.

I am blessed with two adult children and a few adult nieces. I giggle every now and again as they enter this new phase of their lives they term “adulting.” Exhausted after long days of work and school and trying to juggle it all. After reflecting back to those days, I simply want to remind everyone that time truly does go by quickly.

We can remain in a thought pattern of thinking this can’t possibly be what we signed up for. What I also remember is how many times I have evolved since then. That is the beauty of life. Life is about change. What you are doing at twenty-five, you most likely won’t be doing at forty-five. Children will come and go, jobs and careers change. People who we thought would stay with us for a lifetime, don’t. Change can be fearful to some, other’s embrace it with excitement. Regardless, change is inevitable.

In these moments where we feel stuck, at any age, always remember that we are always evolving. We always have a choice as to what comes next and which direction we want to go. For me, in the immediate future I just may dive into adding on to my degree because there is no age limit to education. I hope whatever path you choose, you do so knowing at any time you can pivot.

Much love ❤


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