I need every single person who is reading this blog to understand that I am not what happened to me. It took me almost forty years to come to terms with that.
The day that I decided to no longer be muzzled, I was free. I am an incest SURVIVOR. I am finally THRIVING. My message today is for all those still struggling. To understand that you can take control of your own destiny and not hold onto the shame for the rest of your life.
This is my story.
By the genetic luck of the draw, spiritual selection, God’s will or however you want to spin it, I was born into a family with multiple pedophiles. Grandfathers, Uncles, Father, and who knows whom else under said slimy rock. It was bound to happen.
From my own personal memories, I spent from age three to age twelve being the victim of a one grandfather and my sperm donor, a.k.a father.
For the sake of many others involved, I will spare those nine years of details. That is not the point of this blog.
The point of this is simple. I am using this platform to tell anyone who needs to hear it that you can heal. You can live an amazing life. You are not destined to be trapped in the dark place you may be in right now. The two things that kept me there were shame and fear. Neither of them belonged to me. They were gifted to me by sick grown men. Given to me as an innocent child. I carried them my entire life, until finally at age thirty-eight I broke my silence.
I was met with uncertainty, glares, hostility, love, support. Most importantly, I allowed myself to begin the path to healing. Finally, room to breathe. This transformation did not happen overnight. It took a few more years for me to do some major work, dig deep and decide what the next steps were going to be.
You do not have to be a therapist like myself to know the psychological damage done to a person who has undergone sexual abuse as a child. I spent most of my life ignoring it. I made poor decisions in my first marriage and allowed myself to be treated less than I should have. I had work to do on my self-esteem and worth. I made the difficult decision to end that marriage of twenty years. I had become a chronic liar. I started lying as a child to cover up abuse, and as a wife to cover up even more abuse. That pattern needed to stop and was more challenging than I had anticipated. More change, more room for growth and more fear of the unknown.
It all started with finding the courage to tell my truth. To this day, the single most difficult and terrifying thing to speak of in that moment. Now, as years have passed I am using my voice to continue to empower others and myself. We are not meant to carry the fear and shame of those who victimize us. Give that shit back. Clear your path to a better life.
How amazing would it be if we could begin a revolution? Shatter the silence and make those who violate us carry the weight for a change. Let’s shine the spotlight of horror on them. Stop hiding these criminals, covering up these family secrets and allow us to live our best lives. We deserve that much, and so much more.
To any of you suffering in silence, I see you and I am sending so much love. Please know there is always hope, and always remember that shame is not yours to carry.
Much love ❤