We are mere days away from that glorious holiday. That one day a year, we set aside to celebrate Moms just a bit more. The air will be filled with scents of lilacs and lilies. Wee ones will spread globs of jam onto burnt toast to surprise Mommy with breakfast. She will do her best to eat it with a smile. If you have given birth and pride yourself on the job you have or are doing in the department of parenthood….celebrate this day! If you admire and respect your own Mama, celebrate this day!
But what if you detest this day? Calm down, I can almost hear the gasps from here. WHAT?!?!! Not LOVE Mother’s Day???? How is that even possible?
Try to picture it like Valentines Day. All of those who are either single or in crap relationships simply dread this day approaching. The store shelves are dripping in pink and red sarcastic romance. Every radio commercial is a reminder that you must get your flower order in soon. Did you make your dinner reservation yet? Before you know it, social media is lit up with pictures of every Tiffany and Brittany taking selfies beside their long stemmed roses. *disclaimer* I am in a ridiculously lovely dovey sappy relationship and adore my roses every chance I get them. But I digress…My point is, not everyone enjoys THIS day. It comes as a reminder of what one doesn’t have.
I am now here to tell you that not everyone looks forward to Mother’s Day. We have to respect that.
Let’s take a stroll down the dysfunctional family highway for just one minute. We have to imagine that not all families get along. I know, quite shocking. These holidays pop up, and prove to be painful. The many images flash across our screens. The constant reminders to be sure you have placed your order for the elusive perfect Mother’s Day bouquet. Standing in front of that wall of greeting cards, washing over the endless words of “I am so glad you were always there for me.” After what seems like an eternity, you grab the generic one that is blank inside.
The point is these days can spark up memories we try to bury all year. I recently had a client admit to me that as Mother’s Day approaches, she hides from social media completely. Removes herself from that path of what she feels like is destruction. Not at all like those cute Hallmark commercials I once remembered. This is the other reality many don’t talk about. We need to be mindful of it.
We need to be mindful of those who have longed to be mothers for years, without success. We need to be mindful of those who have lost children. This day to celebrate Mother’s is like a hot dagger through their soul. We need to be mindful of those who grew up with absent mothers, abusive mothers, and sick mothers. We also need to be mindful of those who lost their own mother’s far too soon. So much extra love to all these souls.
So, if you didn’t HAVE a Super-Mom or you didn’t get to BE a Super-Mom, then maybe you feel a little bit like so many others at this time of year: like you’re having your nose rubbed in it. This holy image of motherhood and all that it is “supposed to be” and it’s all because of the hype where we’re trying to make Motherhood and Sainthood the same thing! All the while, spending millions every May on flowers, spa treatments and greeting cards, because God forbid we don’t honour our mothers, right?
The truth isn’t like that. Reality is not sunshine and rainbows. Not all were so lucky in the Mom department. If you were, either because you had or have a wonderful mom or because you became a wonderful mom, then I’m happy for you and I don’t want to take away from your personal experience. You deserve it. Celebrate.
I just ask that you remember those who aren’t feeling so celebratory. Please do not judge them for not posting tributes to their mothers. Respect their decisions and be mindful of their feelings. Be kind.
Before you are convinced that I have rained all over your Mother’s Day Parade, understand this. I am a Mom and my children have filled a void in my soul like nothing else. I celebrate this day because I feel successful as a Mom. Notice I said successful, not perfect! 🙂 I celebrate this day because of the thousands of hours of lost sleep, disgusting diapers I have changed, millions of dollars in groceries, and stress I have endured watching them grow. There are so many reasons to celebrate motherhood. I guess for me it is less about this one day and far more about the journey. I made the choice to bring them into this world, upon doing that, I vowed to protect, care for and love them unconditionally until I part. For that, yes you can make me some toast. 🙂
I merely wanted to write this blog and point out that we need not judge those who find this day shitty, difficult, toxic, painful, or a waste of freaking time. You do you, whatever you need to do to get through the day. I for one will be forcing my spawn to make me breakfast, and then roping them into making me dinner as well. Just mentioning my episiotomy scar will terrify them enough not to challenge me on this one. If this day for you means dropping out of social media, don’t feel judged for that. If you are questioned about why you don’t celebrate with your Mom, please remember that no explanation is needed. Your journey, your way.